One's Final Days... with Eldercare Mediation
By Delilah van Tol
People might not always think about or even realize what comes around the corner when you or a family member enters the final stage of life. Even though many people do not want to think about death, it is inevitable, and taking care of financial issues, medical issues, living arrangements, and legal issues are of great importance.[1] Nevertheless, taking care of these arrangements often comes with family and family issues. People rarely seem to be on the same page when it comes to decisions regarding end-of-life issues or last living arrangements.[2] As necessary, family issues probably need to be discussed, and various emotions are coming around the corner when realizing it might be the final period with a loved one. It might be a smart move to bring an objective third party into the conversation to resolve specific conflicts. Many families believe that resolving family disputes always ends up in Court, but mediation is a good alternative; one might think of an Eldercare Mediator.[3] [4] Another advantage would be that because the family members came up with the solutions themselves, they are more likely to make sure that they work.[5]
An Eldercare Mediator is someone who is both specialized or trained in mediation and gerontology. What can an Eldercare Mediator bring to the table to help the family? In difficult situations, people often do not know where to start, and an Eldercare Mediator will guide the family through the process, educates the family on the importance of having the conversation about the person's last wishes. Furthermore, an Eldercare Mediator is better capable of weighing the importance of the opinions of the different family members, such as the closest family members or the adults' views on the matter. How they picture the final days and who needs to be involved and who not.
Furthermore, another task of an Eldercare Mediator is understanding the family dynamics. Especially if someone will not be involved in making important decisions, this needs to be communicated to that person and explained why he or she would not be involved in the process. After being informed and discussed the situation with all the individual parties, the next step will be a group meeting.[6]
Group meetings are considered difficult when families are located far away from each other or when certain family members do not want any contact. This means that an Eldercare Mediator should be flexible and able to adapt quickly. The mediator must clarify what topics need to be discussed and promote honesty during the conversations. A lot needs to be discussed and decided on, which will take multiple sessions. Therefore a mediator must always consider what is the most pressing matter for a specific case. For example, if someone comes to the point in their life where they cannot live by themselves anymore without help. It is more important to discuss follow-up steps at first, like staying at home with assistance or going to an elderly home. This is at the time being a more pressing concern than decisions that need to be made regarding the final days, passing or after passing. The mediator is the one who should see the importance of every topic in different situations. When it comes to Eldercare Mediation, all cases ask for different approaches.[7] These cases are very emotional, and the family and the elderly must be getting the proper support while saying goodbye.
[1] ‘End of Life Planning: A Complete Guide for Navigating a Difficult Time’ (Trust and Will, 2021) https://trustandwill.com/learn/end-of-life-planning-checklist> Accessed 01-05-2021
[2] Kathleen Kauth ‘Eldercare mediation: Setting families up for success’ (Mediate, August 2019) <https://www.mediate.com/articles/kauth-eldercare-mediation.cfm> Accessed 01-05-2021
[3] Ibid.
[4] Healthwise Staff ‘Eldercare Mediation’ (Cigna, April 15 2020) https://www.cigna.com/individuals-families/health-wellness/hw/medical-topics/eldercare-mediation-abn0530 > Accessed 01-05-2021
[5] Ibid.
[6] Kathleen Kauth ‘Eldercare mediation: Setting families up for success’ (Mediate, August 2019) <https://www.mediate.com/articles/kauth-eldercare-mediation.cfm> Accessed 01-05-2021
[7] Ibid.